Guardian Page 12

  “Ten-four,” Andrew laughed before hanging up.

  I shook my head as I tucked the phone back in my pocket, looking up at the apartment I had just vacated. I needed to apologize for my harshness, explain to Alice in another way that we weren’t meant to be together. I wasn’t a picket-fence-and-kids type guy, the kind she needed.

  Hell, I shouldn’t have even touched her.

  But now that I had, it was going to be hard to let her go, even if she didn’t shoot my head off or something when I tried to apologize. I deserved that and more. She deserved everything, and I had crushed her like she was a bug under my boot, like she didn’t mean anything to me.

  She meant everything to me. Everything. Life wouldn’t be worth living if she wasn’t in it.

  Shit!

  Rubbing a hand over my face, I started back up the stairs, my feet heavy with each step. I had really screwed this up.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Alice

  I awoke after a restless sleep, my eyes still scratchy from the tears I had shed. It didn’t help that I was in Derrek’s bed, his scent all around me.

  Rubbing my eyes, I stared up at the ceiling. Why was this thing between us so complicated? When we were in bed, fucking as he called it, everything was perfect. It was like time stood still and it was just us, in the moment.

  And I didn’t believe for one moment that it was just fucking. It was something much more, and I knew he felt it too.

  If he didn’t, he wouldn’t have brought me here.

  Realizing I was still naked under the sheet, I fumbled for my shorts, feeling my phone in my pocket. It had been four hours since we had left the hospital, and I wanted to check in with Nat to see if anything had changed before she had left.

  She answered on the first ring.

  “Hey. You okay?”

  “I… No,” I said with a sigh. “Derrek’s being… Well, difficult.”

  Nat laughed.

  “Honey, you need to get used to that. And they say that we are the moody ones.”

  “He’s trying to push me away,” I answered, feeling the emotion well up in my throat.

  I wasn’t stupid. His words had been pointed and hurtful, meant to make me hate him.

  But I had heard his underlying tone, the one that told me the truth long after he had walked out. Derrek was scared of something, and I was taking the brunt of his fear.

  “Yeah, well, they think they don’t deserve us,” Nat replied. “It’s some kind of biker code or something stupid like that. The question you should be asking is whether you are willing to put up with him.”

  “I love him,” I said softly, thinking of how he had captured my heart the first day he had saved me from the Cazadores and cared for me and Chester without question.

  That was his true character, no matter how he tried to hide it.

  “Well, now,” Nat said. “There’s your answer.” Then she laughed. “Wait. You think you aren’t good enough for him, don’t you?”

  It was like she could read my mind. How many times had I questioned in my mind why Derrek would want someone like me?

  “I hate you.”

  “You love me,” she said.

  I could hear her grinning through the phone.

  “Alice, honey, you deserve so much more in life, and I believe that Derrek could give you what you have been missing. Give him a chance, let him love you.”

  “Kind of like how you did with Fox?” I challenged back with my own smile.

  “Exactly,” Nat answered. “I honestly can’t live without him, no matter how much he makes me stop breathing when I hear that he’s charged head first into a burning house. Oh, well, never mind that. I really couldn’t live without him. He’s my other half, and I thank God every day that He forced us together. I mean, could you imagine me married to Bryan now?”

  I couldn’t. Mainly because he had tried to kill both her and Fox, but that was beside the point.

  “Okay, okay, I will work on it.”

  “Good, I gotta go, but call me later, okay?”

  I hung up the phone and placed it by the bed, running a hand through my wild hair. I needed a shower and a week to sleep, but I knew I didn’t have a week. My mom was in the hospital, her house gone, and I was struggling with my own feelings for a certain dark-haired biker.

  My life was crazy.

  “Ugh,” I groaned, falling back on the pillows, Derrek’s scent dancing around me.

  I didn’t know why he had put on that act earlier, but my gut said that he was as scared as I was about this relationship. Maybe he didn’t like the fact that I was getting so close. Was I getting close? There had been a time today when I thought I had, the way he had reacted to me making me feel like that, maybe, he cared for me the same way I did him.

  But then he had pushed me away, and I was… Well, I didn’t know what I was.

  And Nat? Damn her, she was right about everything. I felt like I didn’t deserve Derrek and it wasn’t because of my looks. It was because of my anxiety and how it consumed me. He had seen some of the ugliest of ugly with anxiety, but could he stomach it for years? I myself got worn down dealing with it. I couldn’t imagine what it would be like to be on the other side of the coin, watching someone battle it day after day.

  It would take someone strong, someone with patience, someone who could understand when to help and when to step back.

  Oh, God, how I wanted that to be Derrek!

  Turning over, I knew I couldn’t hide in the bedroom forever. There were things to do. I needed to visit my mom. I needed to go to the house and see what I could salvage from my mom’s things, plus make a plan as to how I was going to explain her house and her injuries. There was school and the fact that Jack Carry was my father.

  There was so much I needed to do.

  But first, a shower was in order.

  Throwing back the covers, I climbed out of bed, stretching, before heading over to Derrek’s set of drawers along the wall. I would have to borrow some of his clothes.

  That is, if I could find them.

  The first drawer revealed some rolled up socks and a pile of pictures. Curious and unable to ignore them, I picked up the first one.

  It was one of two males, one in their late teens that clearly was Derrek, and the other an older gentleman. My best guess was that the older gentleman was his father, as they favored each other. I shuffled through the photos and found more of them together, their looks changing.

  And then, at the bottom of the pile, was a picture of a gravestone, with two names etched in the granite. My heart went out to Derrek, and I wanted to do nothing else but wrap my arms around him and hold him tight. Based on what I could tell, he had no one else outside the club.

  And me.

  Pushing the drawer closed, I sighed. I had to figure out how to combat my own personal insecurities, along with showing Derrek that perhaps I could make a life for him.

  For us. We both deserved happiness, however we could find it, with each other.

  **

  After a warm shower, I pulled on a t-shirt and my own shorts. I needed to go to mom’s house and sift through the damage, and make a stop at my apartment, especially if I was going to stay here for a short period of time. I needed my school work to keep me busy.

  I needed some normalcy in my life.

  Drawing in a deep breath, I walked out of the bedroom, stopping short as I got my eye of Derrek. He and Chester were seated on the couch, watching one of those funny animal shows. Derrek was stroking Chester’s head and Chester was curled up in his lap, purring contentedly.

  He had tamed my cat.

  My heart melted.

  “What are you doing?”

  “We are watching TV,” he stated, not even bothering to look over at me. “Chester picked the station. I admit, he has good taste.”

  I let out a giggle as I walked over and sat in the chair next to the couch, eyeing my cat.

  “He doesn’t let anyone do that, normally.”

&n
bsp; Derrek looked down, and to my surprise, Chester looked up at him questionably.

  “Well I think he’s turning over a new leaf. He didn’t even scratch me this time.”

  I couldn’t help it. I burst into tears.

  “Shit!” Derrek swore before his arms went around me. “I’m sorry. Fuck! I’ll make him scratch me, then.”

  “I’m sorry,” I said, pressing my face into his chest.

  His arms felt so good, the rhythm of his heartbeat calming my frazzled nerves.

  “I didn’t mean.”

  “Shh,” he said, his chin resting on top of my head. “I’m fucking sorry, Alice. I didn’t… I wish we could erase the last few hours and start over.”

  I did too, minus the sex. I was so overwhelmed, worried about my mom, about what my future was going to be like.

  And about potentially losing Derrek, when he was no longer needed to protect me. I definitely didn’t want to think about that day. He was everything to me, everything in my life that was good and perfect. For a person who had always thought she was broken, Derrek was like a ray of sunshine through the cloudy day, giving me hope when there hadn’t been any. No matter how much I thought we weren’t a good match.

  I liked this side of him, the gruff yet soft side, that could hold me like this and make me feel like everything was perfect. I didn’t want to ever give up this kind of touch between us.

  But life wasn’t perfect, and neither was I. This relationship was riddled with holes, holes I wanted to fill up and have us experience nothing other than what we had between us.

  I never wanted to feel my life without him.

  Wiping the tears away, I pulled in a shuddering breath.

  “I need to get a few things, go to Mom’s house.”

  Derrek pulled away, his face expressionless as he brushed a tear away from my cheek. I realized then that he was kneeling before me on the floor.

  “Alright. Let me call Fox. We need some backup when we go.”

  I nodded, and he stood, pulling out his cell as he walked toward the bedroom.

  Great! I had broken down at the drop of a hat, over what? Over him and Chester curled up on the couch together?

  Derrek probably was calling backup because he didn’t know how to handle my sudden swing of emotions.

  I shook my head. I didn’t deserve him or this ‘future’ that I had been dreaming about.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Derrek

  I flexed my hand as I waited for Fox to pick up the phone, my heart hammering against my chest. I hadn’t anticipated Alice to burst into tears like that, but the exhaustion on her face made it completely understandable. She was tired. Hell, I was tired too, and our emotions were riding high after the earlier outburst.

  We both needed a vacation.

  “What’s up, fucker?”

  “I need a favor,” I started out, entering my bedroom that smelled like Alice. “Alice needs some things from her place, and she wants to go to her mom’s house.”

  “Tell me what you need,” he said instantly, his voice telling me that he was on high alert.

  “Just someone to watch my back,” I forced out, not really excited about asking for help.

  I wanted to keep my eye on Alice, but that meant I needed someone watching out for me. As much as I hated to admit it, I needed the club’s help.

  “You got it,” he growled. “I’m gonna write this one down, man. McMurray asking me for a favor. That’s got to be recorded somewhere.”

  I ran a hand roughly through my hair, hating the fact that I was doing just that.

  “I’ll owe you one, a big one.”

  Fox laughed.

  “Dude, I’m just kidding. Hell, I would do the same if it was Nat in that kind of trouble.”

  “I don’t know what to do,” I blurted out, cursing the moment the words left my mouth.

  I couldn’t help it. I was overwhelmed by the need to protect Alice, knowing I was going to fail her in the end. Hell, I had already failed her mom and Jack. Alice was the most precious thing I had in my possession right now, and I was scared of screwing that up too.

  “None of us do,” Fox said, surprising me. “Hell, man, when women are involved, we are just floaters in a huge pond, hoping to get it right at least some of the time.”

  I blew out a breath. I didn’t like to talk about my personal business with anyone, but Alice was making me want to ask for help. I was crazy around her, like a dog in heat, and had damn near lost her because I didn’t know how to handle those feelings myself.

  She scared the hell out of me.

  “You love her?”

  It was a simple question, one that I knew I would eventually have to answer.

  “Yeah,” I finally said, the word strange on my tongue all of a sudden.

  “Good,” Fox answered. “Because if you didn’t, I would be kicking your ass for sleeping with her.”

  I didn’t ask him how he knew. Something told me the female kind had been talking amongst themselves.

  “Listen, I’m not good with this shit, but I think Alice feels the same. Just be there. I’ve found that if I let Nat do whatever the hell she thinks she needs to, then I can be there when it all goes to hell.”

  “Thanks, man,” I found myself saying.

  It was nice to have someone else to vent to every once and awhile.

  “Anytime,” he replied before clicking off.

  I slipped the phone back into my pocket, before walking over to my dresser and pulling out the bottom drawer. Inside was a complete arsenal of weapons, from knives to guns, and plenty of bullets to go along with them. Backup or no backup, I wasn’t about to walk out with Alice empty handed.

  Perhaps I would teach her how to shoot. She needed to know how to defend herself, and it would make me feel better anyway, to know that she had a gun on her as well.

  In case something happened to me.

  Blowing out a breath, I started methodically pulling out a few weapons.

  I would fight to my dying breath to keep her safe.

  **

  We arrived at her mom’s house an hour later. Alice had wanted to get to her apartment first, and I waited at the door, my hand casually on my gun, as she gathered at least a week’s worth of things.

  I knew it was hard for her to leave her comfort zone, but I knew where the blind spots were in my apartment, and with the way the entry points were, I could protect her much better there.

  “Oh, my god,” she breathed as she stepped out of the truck. “It’s… I can’t believe any of us walked away from this.”

  I looked at the house, remembering that I had thought the same thing. It was a mess, a gaping hole where the kitchen had been, the doors kicked open, and the living room windows blown out. Someone had put caution tape around the house, and as I shut the truck door, I saw some of the guys from the club come around the side of the house.

  Fox had come through, not that I had expected anything different.

  Giving them a nod, I turned to Alice, who was looking at the house in despair.

  “Where would you like to start?”

  She sighed.

  “I really don’t know. Most of mom’s stuff that is of importance is in her bedroom, but I don’t know what to get and what to leave.”

  I laid a hand on her shoulder, hearing the panic in her voice.

  “Hey, we will take it one room at a time, alright?”

  Alice turned toward me, and I felt the sucker punch to my gut at the sadness in her eyes.

  I wanted to take away that sadness, to pull her away from this house and come back to dig with my own damn hands if I had to.

  Anything to keep a smile on her face.

  She nodded and pulled away from my touch, walking toward the front door. I had no choice but to follow her, surprised to find the furniture draped with plastic. Apparently Jack had some hand in the safety of this house and Cheryl’s belongings. In fact, someone had already packed up the living room, with boxes carefully labeled
with the room.

  “Oh,” Alice said, her hand at her lips.

  I stepped behind her, breathing in her scent.

  “I bet Jack did this.”

  “I still can’t believe he’s my father,” she said after a moment, looking around the room. “After all this time, I have a set of parents.”