Sentinel Page 10

  Some days I wanted to… do something, anything, to get the thoughts of him to stop. He was everywhere. One horrible night, I’d caught a whiff of his cologne; a patron had been wearing it and walked by me. It’d nearly brought me to my knees.

  Flopping in the chair, I spun around. It’d been three months since that fateful night, when the face of the Legion changed forever with the death of our beloved leader. Our hearts would never beat the same after that day. The day he died was the day a group of some of the most hardened men I’d ever known cried buckets of tears. There were still times when I broke down myself. Jack Carry was gone, and Fox Lawrence was now the president of the Legion.

  Wherever the hell he was. The group of enforcers were still hunting down the Rebels, attempting to avenge Jack’s death. Gary was among them, and I couldn’t lie, I waited every day to get a visit from someone to let me know that he was dead. My nightmares were filled with Gary dying, breaking my heart all over again as he had the night he’d walked away from me and our future.

  I could have been happy with him.

  “Oh my God, Beck. You are not going to believe the line outside! This is going to be a huge hit.”

  Misty stood in the doorway, her slinky blue dress clinging to her body like a second skin. Surprisingly, she had been supportive of this venture, even helping me choose the guys and establish their schedules. I’d been shocked, really, to see her take initiative outside of the stage.

  “I hope so. I have seven guys to pay tonight.”

  Misty grinned, her eyes shining in the dim lighting. “Oh honey, you are gonna be rolling in dough. This is genius!”

  I drummed up an answering smile, wishing I could enjoy some excitement for a change and not worry. Worry was all I did lately, and I hated it. This thing with Gary, Jack’s death, it had torn me apart, making me forget what I was like before it’d all turned my life upside down.

  Looking at the watch on my wrist, I pushed myself out of the chair. “Let’s get them ready and open those doors. It’s showtime.”

  Misty clapped her hands as she bounced away from the office. She was right about one thing, though. I was going to be rolling in dough. It was crazy, but I was the official owner of the Gallery now. I didn’t have to pay my dues to the Legion, or worry about them coming in and shutting me down. Jack’s will stated I was exempt now that he was dead, that I’d paid my dues and the club was free and clear from the Legion’s rule, but not their protection. Stunned, I’d listened to Fox explain he fully intended on providing whatever I needed in terms of security.

  But he wouldn’t be taking my money.

  Now, I had big plans. I wanted to renovate, do an over-haul of the entire place, and maybe add two more stages. I wanted to take what my dad started and make it into something he could’ve never envisioned.

  Most of all, I wanted to truly make it mine. This all male revue was the first step into a new world for the Gallery, a new life for me.

  I walked down the hall, leaning against the doorway of the dressing room as the men finished their preparations. They were going to do some sort of routine together and then each would have their own spotlight dance of their choosing. A few of them were from Vegas, one or two of them were actual professional dancers. This was unlike anything the Gallery had seen, and I was looking forward to the reactions of the audience tonight, men and women alike in.

  “Alright, it’s time.”

  The flurry of activity grew in the dressing room as I walked away, back down the hall, and to the bar, where the crowd pushed through the door. Several excited women claimed the tables around the stage, their eyes shining, smiles wide. This was it. If this was a total flop tonight, I would be out a few grand and might even damage the Gallery’s reputation. It was a huge risk. But if it paid off like I thought it was going to, it’d be worth it.

  If my dad were alive today, I knew he’d be full of pride.

  Jack would be proud, too. His absence was profound, the air seemingly sucked out of the room whenever anyone mentioned his name. With over half the Legion and Fox out on the hunt, Derrek McMurray was in charge until Fox got back. I’d tried to hang out with Nat, Fox’s fiancée, during his absence. And I stopped by to see Lisa Fulton, who was devastated. The Legion men still hadn’t found her husband.

  There was nothing but sadness.

  Taking a deep breath, I put on a brave smile. It wasn’t the time or place for sulking. I had to focus on the here and now. It was all I had.

  **

  Three hours later, I couldn’t help but smile as the catcalls and yelling grew, watching as Graham gyrated across the stage with a smirk on his face. The night had been a smashing success so far. None of the customers had left since the opening number, and the two bars were so busy I had to help out in one and add Misty to the other just to take orders. Twice, I had to go to the safe for change, and with no signs of the action slowing down, we’d be wiped out of singles soon.

  Gauging by the piles of bills on the stage floor, I’d have plenty for tomorrow night.

  “God, this is great!” Misty exclaimed as she joined me where I had taken up temporary station. “You’re going to have to call in an additional order on liquor just for tomorrow night.”

  “I’m alright with that,” I laughed, feeling my stomach twist at the thought of alcohol. I’d had no appetite since Gary left. Food, and especially booze, made my belly do flip flops. “Any trouble?”

  She shook her head. “Not a sign.”

  I nodded, glad for it. We hadn’t seen much of the Rebels since Jack’s death, who were likely on the run from Legion members hellbent on revenge. Sure, there were skirmishes along the way, but nothing the guards at the door couldn’t handle.

  All in all, it seemed everything was back to normal. For my girls anyway.

  Normal didn’t include waking up in a pool of sweat, crying out because you’d seen Gary lying in a pool of blood. Normal wasn’t going to the clubhouse and seeing the memorial on the door, one that no one wanted to take down for fear of losing Jack forever. Normal wasn’t begging, pleading with the powers that be to have a good day. Normal wasn’t thinking of another human being every second of the day.

  I would never be normal again.

  Graham finished his set to a raucous crowd and sauntered off stage, a pulse-pounding number starting for the next guy up. These boys were relentless. Maybe next time I’d mix them up with the women, give everyone in the crowd a little fun.

  I felt a hand land on my shoulder and stay there. I turned around, my smile changing to shock in a heartbeat.

  No, it couldn’t be. After all this time, after the all the days and nights filled with heartache.

  Gary couldn’t be standing in front of me. His lips moved, but I couldn’t hear his words, shock and anger radiating down my spine in waves. How long had I prayed to anyone who would listen to send him home?

  How long had I cried myself to sleep sick with worry?

  He looked harder, his face leaner than I remembered, with a thin white line down the left side stretching from the corner of his eye to his upper lip. Somehow, he looked even more handsome, and I wondered what had happened to him that would have left a scar like that. I wondered where else he might have new scars.

  Then there was the enforcer label displayed on his vest. He’d finally done it. He’d achieved his goal.

  I couldn’t seem to muster up any excitement for him.

  He also looked like hell, his hair longer than normal and exhaustion weighing down those haunted eyes of his that searched mine for any sort of response.

  If he was looking for a happy homecoming, he wasn’t gonna get one from me.

  “What the hell are you doing here?” I asked, my voice trembling.

  “I’m here to see you,” he said. “You look good, Beck.”

  I didn’t want to hear his compliments. I wanted to hear how much he’d missed me, how he was sorry for ever leaving me in the first place. I wanted him to admit he felt the pain, felt how I h
ad suffered after Jack’s death alone. We could have comforted each other together, yet he left to God knows where.

  Something in my expression must have changed.

  In an instant, his gaze grew wary. “We need to talk,” he continued, running a hand through his hair roughly. “A lot has happened, Beck.”

  “You’re damn right it has,” I said, gritting my teeth together to keep from bursting into tears. “I don’t need this. Just get out.”

  “Beck, please,” he continued, not moving an inch. “Don’t be like this.”

  My heart was racing, my chest aching at the mere sight of him. I could barely keep myself together. I couldn’t do this, not now. Maybe never.

  He didn’t deserve a single moment of my time now. “Get out.”

  I turned away, swallowing the emotion I’d sort out later, when his he pulled me back to face him.

  So, I did the one thing I’d been waiting to do for three months.

  I hit him.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Gary

  I loved a lot of things about Becky. The way she carried herself. The way she single-handedly took over the Gallery and turned it into a raging success with no help from anyone. The way she sighed in her sleep.

  What I hadn’t known was that she packed a mean right hook. That shit hurt.

  I was tired, bone tired, and after three months on the road, I was glad to be back in Legion country, back where things were familiar.

  Though I’d hoped for a better reunion with Becky. Clearly, she hadn’t gotten over what had transpired between us, and I didn’t blame her. I was an asshole, a cad, the lowliest sort of man in her eyes and likely everyone else’s.

  But that didn’t change the fact that I loved her.

  Right now, she was pacing the small office, her expression a mix of anger and confusion. “I can’t do this. Why would you come back here?”

  I held the ice pack to my jaw, my skin numb where she’d hit me. When I’d realized she was putting the pack together for me, I’d brushed off her concern. But one look at the renewed fire in her eyes as she slammed the bag of ice in my hand, and I put it to my face without another protest.

  “You knew I would come back eventually.”

  She stopped and stood, shutting her eyes for a moment as if she could shut out the world. The exhaustion in her face hit me right in the gut. She held herself differently; it was almost as if she’d lost an inch, but it was the subtle change in her posture that made her appear shorter. And she looked thinner.

  I didn’t fucking like it.

  Something was wrong. Something much more than her missing me and being upset over the way we had left each other.

  When she opened her eyes, I could see the conflicted emotions swirling behind them.

  “No, I didn’t.”

  “Beck,” I breathed, dropping the ice pack on the table in front of me.

  She held up her hand. “I’m not ready for you to talk yet. Do you even know what I’ve been through these last three months? First Jack, and then not knowing if you were alive.”

  Her words touched my soul. She cared. That was all I needed to know. “I… we weren’t just hunting down the Rebels. We were looking for Jared, too.” Even after three months, there was no sign of him, and it was tearing me up inside. He deserved to be home, with Lisa, and live the life they’d built together.

  She wrapped her arms around her waist. “Yeah I heard he was missing,” she admitted. “Do you think the Rebels have him?”

  “I don’t know,” I said, looking away to hide the emotions welling up in my chest. I hated not knowing where he was, whether he was alive or dead. I wanted to bring him home, even if it was just his body.

  “I’m sorry,” she said, her eyes on me. “I know he was your friend.”

  “Yeah,” was all I could say.

  Silence fell over the room.

  Finally, she nodded toward my chest. “I see you got it.”

  I knew what she was talking about. The enforcer patch on my vest. The label I had worked my ass off to get, the sign that told everyone I was a Legion brother. And yet, right now, it wasn’t even important. After everything I’d been through, I knew with certainty what mattered and what didn’t.

  My future was standing right in front of me. “How are you, Beck?”

  Her jaw clenched. “Like you care. You haven’t cared for 3 months.”

  Ouch. She wasn’t going to make this easy. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what else to say except I thought about you every damn day of those three months.”

  It was like she’d been a part of me. Sometimes, when I was alone at night, I’d remember the way her skin felt, the way she tasted. I couldn’t shake the memories of her, of us, no matter how hard I tried.

  Not that I had really tried. After this three-month absence, my hands were itching to get a hold of her body, to caress those curves I knew so well. I wanted to bring myself back to something warm, something real and chase away the horror I’d been part of. I’d done things. Bad things. At the time, I’d convinced myself they were necessary.

  But I didn’t know. And the longer I didn’t know, and the more I fought against figuring it all out, the more apparent it became that I was slipping.

  But being here, looking at her… I felt sane again for the first time in a while.

  She flung out her hands. “Fine words Gary, but they don’t mean shit.”

  I sighed inwardly as I looked at the ceiling. I had to show her I was here, and I was serious.

  “Why are you back? Be honest.”

  I leaned back on the couch, feeling the springs pop under my weight. “Because. Fox was tired of being away and we weren’t getting anywhere.”

  We’d been chasing our damn tails more than accomplishing anything, and it’d worn on the guys, and hell, even on Fox. With each passing day and no sign of Jared or what had happened to him, he’d grown more and more frustrated. And besides that, we couldn’t even find a definitive link to who had killed Jack for sure. That revelation had been the moment everything unraveled. We knew firsthand the risks of making a move on another club without knowing if it was warranted. He hadn’t wanted to give up, but it had been the only thing we could to do.

  Reset, refresh, and go back to the hunt. That’s what he’d said before sending us all back to Greenwood. I couldn’t exactly say I was relieved. Jared was still out there.

  And I wouldn’t give up on him.

  “Nat missed him,” Becky finally said, rubbing her face with her hand.

  “And he missed her,” I answered. While I’d been dying to see Becky, Fox had nearly gone out of his mind with worry over his fiancée. There were times he’d broken down, times he didn’t want the others to see the weakness in him.

  I understood, all too well.

  She cleared her throat and looked away, studying the peeling paint on the wall. “I-I don’t know if I can do this, Gary.”

  Oh, we’re doing this, I vowed silently. “Business looks good out there.”

  She let out a choked laugh. “Thanks to you. Your impromptu dance spawned this crazy idea. This is the first night with men, and by far its been our best turn out… maybe ever.”

  I grinned. “Maybe I can get back up there and see if I still got it.”

  Becky shook her head. Though her eyes were still tired, a smirk lightened her features. “I think these guys will give you a run for your money, unfortunately.”

  I stood then, wishing I had cleaned up before coming here. My clothes were dusty, and I needed a long, long nap, but I didn’t want to do it without her.

  I wasn’t leaving here without her.

  I stepped in front of her and took her by the hips. She flinched but didn’t pull away, and I let out a loosened breath.

  “Listen. I know I’ve fucked up over and over again, but give me one chance to prove what I feel for you is real. You are the only thing that matters to me.”

  Her eyes met mine and my chest tightened when I saw the glimmer of
tears there. “If I had been, you wouldn’t have left.”

  “You’re right,” I said immediately. Hell, she was right. But things were different now. I had a much different perspective. “But I have duties just like Fox. Do you know how much it tore me up to leave you that night? Do you know how much I wished I could take back those words I said?”

  “I cared,” she whispered.

  “I know,” I answered.

  She blew out a breath and the tension in my chest eased just an inch. She wasn’t screaming for me to get out and it didn’t look like she was about to hit me. It was a start.