Sentinel Page 9

  He was my role model.

  I let the tears flow, let the raw grief eat me up inside. I would, for the moment, let these feelings show.

  And then I would find the Rebels.

  Chapter Twelve

  Becky

  I wiped a tear from my cheek as I stared out the window, my mind a mess with pain. Jack was dead. I couldn’t believe it, but I knew I wasn’t the only one in shock.

  Jack was invincible. Anyone who knew him knew this. A bullet couldn’t possibly take him down. And besides all that, he was the heart of the Legion. Without him, the future of the entire club was uncertain.

  Gary drove like a madman toward the clubhouse, his jaw set so tightly that I thought he would crush his teeth. He was hurting, just like me, and I didn’t know how to comfort him. I had never seen this side of him before. His hardened eyes and bulging muscles had me on edge.

  I wasn’t just on edge. He was scaring me. When he had walked out of the house, I’d collapsed into tears, unable to hide my grief for the man who was like a second father to me.

  And then another thought took hold in my mind. Oh god, the Gallery had to be in chaos.

  But even with thoughts of the strip club in disarray, I desperately wanted to hear how it happened. Or maybe I wanted to go after whoever killed him myself, to relieve some of this grief that was coursing through my veins.

  It changed every second, what I wanted to do and where I wanted to go.

  And then there was Nat. No doubt Fox would be on the hunt, and my heart went out to Nataliya. I had met Fox’s fiancée a few times before and her love for that man was unbelievable.

  Much like what I was feeling for Gary. I knew that now. I knew what it felt like.

  Hell, this couldn’t come at a worse time. First Gary had both terrified and seduced me with the love in his eyes, making me realize I couldn’t live without him now. I’d lied to him, told him this was just a fling when I knew it was much more than that.

  This was something that would last forever, even if we never saw each other again.

  With one twist of fate, I wasn’t so sure what was going to happen. Gary was being called in, which was all he’d told me in short, clipped words. Our future, as well as the Legion’s, lay in tatters.

  The Legion’s clubhouse came into view and I was shocked at the number of cars and bikes littering the street. Word was out about the president’s death, with people all over the lawn spilling out from the house, or what was left of it that is. Part of the building had burned down in the war.

  Gary parked the truck and climbed out without a word. I followed after him, no words for the worry growing in my chest every step of the way.

  There were injured bikers everywhere, apparently from the shootout, but everyone was solemn, their eyes bloodshot with loss. I felt it heavy in my chest, torn on soothing Gary, and crying my eyes out in his arms.

  That is, if he touched me again. Something had broken inside him. And with each passing moment, my fear that I had lost the man I was falling in love with mounted.

  Why had I said those words to him? Why had I tried to push him away yet again?

  I hated myself for it.

  Fox was coming out of the war room, his clothes bloody and his eyes bloodshot. He looked like hell. “Kid.”

  Gary gave him a nod, his throat working before he finally found what he needed most. “Where is he?”

  Fox thumbed over his shoulder. “Back there. We brought him home. He would have wanted it that way.”

  Gary straightened. “I want to see him.”

  “Me too,” I echoed, my throat clogged with emotion. I needed to see him, like everyone else in this building. I needed to see that our hero was dead.

  Fox stepped back, and I followed Gary into the war room, my hand going to my mouth when I saw Jack laid out on the table, covered with a blanket. Someone had washed his face, but there was blood in his hair, his bloodied vest laying on the table next to him.

  “God,” Gary whispered, going over to his side.

  I did the same, taking Gary’s hand and squeezing hard as I stood there, looking down at the man who had given me so much.

  “He’s really gone.”

  A tear escaped my eye and I didn’t bother to wipe it away. “This has to be a nightmare,” I whispered.

  “It’s not.” Gary let go of my hand, the darkness falling over his face making it look like his mind was in another place, far away from this room we were in. “And some fucker is going to pay for this. I swear it, Jack. Your death will be avenged.”

  Cursing my trembling hands, I forced him to turn toward me, searching his hard eyes. “What are you going to do, Gary?”

  “I’m going after them,” he said, his mouth in a hard line, his stare not meeting mine. “This cannot be the end.” His eyes finally met mine then. “You know that, Becky.”

  I stepped into him, trying to take his hand again. “But I can’t lose you, too. Please don’t do this, Gary. Please don’t go after them.”

  He ripped his hand from mine. “Now you care? What would have happened if Jack hadn’t died, Beck? Would you still feel the same, or is the thought of me dying making you change your mind?”

  He was being harsh, and even though his words tore into me, I could understand why he said them. I was fully prepared to walk away from him before that phone call, playing off my true feelings because they scared me. And now, if I asked him to stay, he would brush it off as weakness.

  What a fucking mess.

  “I thought so,” he finally said, setting his jaw.

  I watched helplessly as he leaned over and whispered something to Jack before walking out, leaving me alone in the room.

  It was then I realized I’d just let my life walk out, possibly forever.

  **

  Hours later, I sat huddled in a corner, my hands cupping a warm cup of coffee. I normally didn’t care for coffee, but it was the warmest thing they had in the clubhouse, and since I my hands were so cold, I was grateful to have it.

  Truth is, everything felt cold. From my hands to my hollow gut.

  “You holding up okay?”

  I turned to see Nat standing not far from me, her own face a mixture of exhaustion and grief. “I’m fine.”

  “Don’t lie,” she said, pushing me over so that she could sit next to me. “None of us are fine. We’re all a mess. I can’t even get Fox to talk to me.” Her voice broke and I reached over, grasping her arm lightly to show some sort of support.

  She was right. We all knew some of what each of us were feeling.

  How we dealt with it was an entirely different story.

  “You’re right,” I said with a soft groan as I stretched out my sore legs. I’d been sitting in one spot for too long. “I’m not fine.”

  “Yeah, well, good lie anyway,” she said with a little laugh. “Jack would be yelling at us for our moping right now, you know? That man wouldn’t want us to be like this, yet I can’t drum up another fake smile on his behalf.”

  I rested my head on the wall behind me, blowing out a breath. “They’re really going after the Rebels, aren’t they?”

  I had heard snippets of the story from grieving Legion members, piecing it together. Suddenly the enemy wasn’t the Cazadores. But I wasn’t so sure that they still didn’t have a few tricks up their sleeves.

  “They are,” Nat sighed, looking over at me. “And I’m worried sick I’m going to lose my fiancée next. He’s probably going to be president now, and I really don’t know how I feel about it.”

  I wrapped an arm around her shoulders, squeezing them gently. “He’ll be fine. He’ll come home to you when this is over.”

  “To us,” Nat corrected, patting her stomach. “I just told him before all this happened. We’re going to be parents.”

  A flicker of jealousy burned in my belly. I couldn’t help it. She had found her happily ever after. “Congrats.”

  “Thanks,” she said, her smile dying as she looked around us. She was qu
iet for a long time before whispering, “How are we ever going to get over this, Beck? How are we going to survive this?”

  “I don’t know,” I admitted. I didn’t know how to handle this, much less try to help fix it. Jack’s death had taken the wind out of everyone.

  “I have to go,” Nat said, pushing herself off the floor. “They’re getting ready to head out.”

  I scrambled to my feet, trying to shake some feeling into them.

  I couldn’t let Gary leave on this deadly mission without telling him how I felt, without telling him I would wait for him.

  Hurrying through the clubhouse, I finally pushed my way outside, my eyes snapping to his familiar form amongst the bikers saying their goodbyes.

  “Gary!”

  He turned, and I launched myself at him, hanging onto him tightly.

  The words, my thoughts, all the memories we’d made in such a short time, twisted all together and I couldn’t get it to come out right. “Please don’t do this.”

  I felt the sigh in his body, as his arms briefly gripped me tight before he set me aside. “I have to.”

  Tears streamed down my cheeks and I didn’t care who saw me, watching as he picked up his bag. “But you might not come back.”

  He looked up at me. “If I don’t, I want you to tell my parents, alright? Tell them, I’m sorry.”

  “Gary,” I said, my voice breaking.

  He slung the bag over his shoulder, his eyes hard. “Sorry it had to be this way, Beck.”

  The resolve in his eyes made something harden in my chest. Maybe I’d been right after all. Maybe it hadn’t been real, couldn’t be. Because love never lasted.

  I shut my mouth as he walked away, to a bike I had never seen before, one that was right behind Fox. He was really leaving. Gary was walking out of my life when I needed him the most, when I thought he needed me.

  “Fine!” I yelled, turning my back on him and the rest of the Legion.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Gary

  I crouched behind the dirt mound, feeling grit between my teeth. It was dark out, hours before the sun would rise. We had no shelter for the night, so we were forced to sleep in the desert.

  I didn’t really care. I could be sleeping on hot coals and it wouldn’t phase me. After Jack’s death and my subsequent fight with Becky, I felt like my world had been blown apart.

  Sighing, I leaned back and looked up at the star filled sky. I couldn’t help but think of what Becky might be doing now, how she probably hated my guts and never wanted to see me again. It had taken all I had to walk away, to pretend like it hadn’t bothered me that she was begging me not to go. Of course, I had to go, I had no choice. Jack had given me this life. It would be my legacy to him to find the men responsible for his death and gut every single one of them.

  But I hadn’t wanted to hurt Becky in the process. I had been so mad, so upset and crazed with grief that I couldn’t deal with her feelings. Or mine.

  “You can’t sleep?”

  I turned to see Fox sitting next to me, his gun in his lap. His eyes were haunted, even in the dark, and I knew he was taking Jack’s death harder than all of us combined. Now the Legion would rest on his shoulders, and he would be the one we took orders from. There wasn’t a single man who didn’t like Fox.

  “Nah, I can’t.”

  He let out a breath. “I didn’t tell you this, but Jared’s missing.”

  I whirled around, my heart stuttering in my chest. “What?”

  “Yeah,” he said, his lower lip sliding through clenched teeth. “He never showed up for his post at the Gallery, and with Jack’s death, I-” He caught my face and quit explaining. “Hell, man, I’m sorry.”

  I thought about Lisa. Jared was so excited about his new wife, and his new direction. Would none of us find happiness?

  “We’ll find him,” Fox was saying, looking up at the sky. “I swear it. I left men behind looking for him as we speak.”

  “Thanks,” I answered around the lump in my throat. “We have to find him.”

  “I know,” Fox said. “If something happens to me, will you look out for Nat? She’s, well, she’s pregnant.”

  I reached over and slapped his shoulder. “Congrats man.”

  He chuckled. “What horrible timing, right? I have a kid that might not ever meet his father. Jack is dead, and our men are scattered from here to kingdom come. How did this all go to shit so quickly?”

  I couldn’t answer that. I didn’t know myself, but my life was just as complicated. Becky likely hated me, and I didn’t know what my future held outside of this hunt.

  “Jack was meaning to give you this,” Fox continued, reaching into his pocket. “But he never got the chance, so I’m going to do it. We should have done it a long time ago.”

  I swallowed hard as I took the Velcro title strip, one that I had been working to earn the last four years. “I…I don’t know what to say.”

  “Say you won’t tuck tail and run,” Fox chuckled, slapping me back on the shoulder. “Welcome to the Legion, man. You deserve to be an official member.”

  I looked down at the strip, thinking about all the hardships I had endured to get here. I was a member, a bonafide member of the Legion now. “I won’t let you down.”

  “Never thought you would,” Fox said, rising from the dirt. “Get some rest. “We’ll be leaving shortly.”

  I pulled off my trainee title and slapped the enforcer one on my vest. I’d dreamed of Jack putting that label on me, telling me how proud he was that I had stuck it out.

  A tear trailed down my cheek and I wiped it away hastily, sniffing to clear my emotions. The time for crying was done. I was an enforcer now, a protector of what the Legion stood for. I would lay down my life for the club, and if my new president asked me to take a bullet for him, I would gladly do so.

  Becky crossed my mind and I allowed myself one moment, wishing we hadn’t left things the way we had. I didn’t know when I would be back, or if I would be back. I didn’t want her last memory of me to be me walking away. I couldn’t deal with that. I couldn’t have those feelings inside me mixed with the heavy loss of Jack.

  So, I was gonna push through. I would move forward and track down those fuckers that took him away, while protecting those I loved: my parents, Becky, my Legion brothers.

  And when the time came, if it did, I would come home and pick up the pieces, turn into the man that Jack saw all those years ago in that diner. It was all I could do, all that was driving me now. Jack was gone. Becky was gone. It was just me and this mission. I would finish it or it would finish me.

  Blowing out a breath, I closed my eyes, Becky’s smile dancing across my thoughts. The feel of her skin under my hands, the scent of her desire filling my brain; those memories wouldn’t be leaving me any time soon. And I was fine with that.

  She could haunt me for the coming days, weeks, or months, and if I left this world, she would be the last thought my mind clung to as my soul left this body.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Becky

  “What about this one?”

  I looked up at the blue G-string dangling in my face, the white tassels swaying. “You think you can get those things to work?”

  Graham, my newest recruit, grinned. “Darling, you haven’t seen nothing yet.”

  I waved him away. “Then go get dressed! I’ll put you on first and see if you’re worth the trouble.”

  He walked away and I sighed, rubbing a hand over my face. Rumor was he’d taken the position hoping to get in my pants. He was going to be sorely disappointed.

  I wasn’t an easily won notch on a belt, nor was I looking for a hookup.

  I finished laying out the props for the guys to use tonight, feeling a flutter of excitement in my belly at the milestone The Gallery would be achieving. After twenty years of having nothing but women on that stage, I was ushering in a new era.

  An all-male revue.

  Too bad every time I thought about it, he crossed my mind.


  Pushing away from the table, I stalked back to the office, ignoring the ache in my chest as I entered the small space. His memory was here, too. I only had to look at the wall he’d held me against when we couldn’t wait long enough to get to a bed. That had likely been the moment I’d fallen in love with him. Not that it had mattered much in the end. Gary had left, not giving one thought to me or my safety then, even though he had sworn to protect me. He’d walked out, taking my heart and everything we could have had together with him.