Tainted Desire: A Motorcycle Club Romance (Rough Jesters MC Book 6) Read online

  Hell, he had just lost about half his club.

  Widow Maker seemed to recover first, rapping her knuckles on the table. “Meeting adjourned. Get the hell out.”

  All but the council members filed out and as much as I wanted to follow the rest, I couldn’t get myself out of the damn seat, growing stiff from sitting so long.

  Widow Maker looked at her council. “Get the hell out, all of you except Siren.”

  Mama Bear glared at her, her hands on her hips. “We need to talk.”

  Widow Maker advanced on her, giving her a little push. “We don’t need to do anything right now. I am so pissed at you I can hardly see straight.”

  “The feeling’s mutual,” Mama Bear shot back. “Deal with this shit first, and then you will deal with me.”

  “You’re pushing it,” Widow Maker said softly, her voice edged with steel.

  Mama Bear visibly swallowed, but the fire in her eyes did not dim. She gave a short nod to Eileen and exited the room; the air was sucked out with her.

  Wow.

  “You,” Widow Maker stated, rounding on Eileen. “This is all your damn fault.”

  “Don’t be blaming her,” I said, pushing myself out of the chair despite the pain coursing through my body. I wasn’t able to protect Eileen, but I wasn’t about to let her shoulder the blame for a fracturing women’s club.

  “Nobody said you could speak,” Chains snarled. “So shut the hell up.”

  “You know if you had just told them, you wouldn’t be dealing with this shit, “I retorted. After all, I was one foot in the grave already. There wasn’t much else anyone could do to me.

  Chains didn’t respond, rolling his shoulders, and I grinned. Under different circumstances, I would enjoy his squirming.

  “I … You should have seen this coming,” Eileen was saying to her own president. “You shouldn’t have hidden Voodoo’s real identity.”

  “Don’t you blame me for this,” Widow Maker seethed. “If you hadn’t fucked him, then you would be doing your job and we wouldn’t be in this mess.”

  “I didn’t cause this mess.”

  “The hell you didn’t.”

  “Kris,” Chains addressed his wife. “Maybe you should—”

  She turned and pushed at his chest. “This is my club business. Not yours. So unless I’m asking you to contribute, you’ll stay the hell out it.”

  Chains’ jaw worked, but he turned and walked out of the room, leaving Widow Maker and Eileen alone.

  Well, and me. Hell, I didn’t have anywhere else to go.

  Widow Maker rounded back on Eileen. “Give me your vest.”

  Eileen’s eyes widened. “What?”

  “Your vest,” Widow Maker bit out, holding out her hand. “You’re out. I don’t need traitors in my club.”

  Traitor? “You can’t do this,” I said as Eileen started to strip off her vest. I was the reason she was about to lose her position, her family, and my stomach roiled.

  “It’s okay,” Eileen said as she handed over her vest, straining to hold back the tremor in her voice. “I’m done.”

  Widow Maker clenched the vest tightly in her grip, the indecision on her face evident. “You’re done.” she repeated. “Now, get this piece of shit out of here. You slept with him; you can have him.”

  I watched as Widow Maker walked out, Eileen’s vest still clenched in her hands, and wasn’t sure of what to say. I had caused this. I had caused Eileen to lose everything she had, everything she had worked for.

  Because of me. I should never have touched her. I should have thought with my head rather than my cock.

  I should have considered this might happen. “Eileen,” I started.

  She held up a hand. “Whatever you have to say, I don’t want to hear it. I need to get out of here.”

  I swallowed. “All right.” At least she wasn’t walking away from me.

  Yet.

  Chapter 18

  Siren

  This was my worst nightmare.

  It felt like someone had ripped out my heart, much like the way those Jesters had ripped off their badges and turned their backs on their family, their brotherhood. I had never seen anything like that before and thought that the clubs were imploding.

  Until Widow Maker had rounded on me and ended my time with the Bitches. I wanted to say that I was surprised, but I had effectively slept with the enemy.

  I had shown where my loyalty lay and now, I had no family left.

  It was still up in the air whether I regretted it all now, but as I looked at Daniel, I knew deep down I couldn’t. Even through the pain and hurt that I was feeling at this moment, I wouldn’t do it any differently even knowing the outcome.

  And he looked like he was hurting something fierce.

  Walking over to him, I ignored the concern on his face. “Come on. I will help you out.”

  “No,” he stated, gritting his teeth. “I want to walk out under my own power.”

  “All right,” I said, not having the strength to fight anyone right now. “Let’s go.”

  But as we entered the main room of the Jesters’ club, it was obvious that word had spread like wildfire. There were no friendly looks but instead looks of open hostility and hatred from both Jesters and Bitches alike.

  I wasn’t used to this. I was used to being one of them, being part of their family. They had brought me up, laughed with me, and comforted me.

  Still, I held my head high as I walked through the crowd, seeing Rivet at the end of the line near the door. The look on her face caused me to shiver inwardly, knowing that whatever friendship I had with my fellow Bitches was gone forever. “Traitor,” she sneered as I walked past, spitting on the floor near my boot. My heart sank and instead of wanting to plant my fist in her face, I wanted to beg her not to turn her back on me.

  We had shared so much over the years and for it to end like this … I couldn’t stomach it.

  Somehow, I made it outside where some of the club was milling around. “Hey, Siren,” Two Tone called out. “You better find another ride home. My bike is off limits to traitors.”

  I ignored him, walking on down the sidewalk and away from the club, away from the jeers and laughter at my expense.

  Oh God, what had happened?

  Despite my hurt and inward rage, I knew that there was no way Daniel could keep up with my long strides, so I slowed my walk, allowing him a moment to catch up. His breathing was harsh as he did so and I stole a look at him, seeing his pale, sweaty face.

  Great. My only friend was on death’s door. “We need to get a ride.”

  “Already done,” he wheezed, holding out his cell. “I called an Uber. It’s five minutes away.”

  “Thanks,” I forced out. He was the reason I was dealing with this.

  He was the reason I no longer had anywhere to go.

  The Uber showed up and we climbed in, the driver wisely not commenting on our appearances or the fact that Daniel looked like he was an actor out of some bad bloody movie.

  I leaned on the seat and the Uber pulled off, effectively putting some distance between myself and the clubhouse. The further away the car got, the more desperate I grew. What was I going to do now? The club had been my life for years, my job, and my lifestyle. Now I wouldn’t have any funds coming in from the club, or anywhere to go when I was feeling alone.

  My friends, as I knew them, no longer existed.

  The rest of the ride was silent as I tried to process what had happened and as soon as my apartment building came into view, I let out a small breath. I could do this. There were things I could do to get back into Widow Maker’s good graces. She couldn’t stay mad at me for long. We knew each other too well.

  We climbed out of the car and I walked up the stairs, opening the door to my apartment that no longer seemed as welcoming as it had in the past. Daniel hobbled in behind me and shut the door. I knew he had to be in pain, and we needed to take care of that wound on his leg.

  No matter what, I didn’
t want him to die on me.

  Turning around, I faced the man I had given up everything for, the same man who had withheld secrets from me. “Sit. I will find my medical kit.”

  His jaw worked and his eyes darkened. “Eileen, we need to talk.”

  “I don’t want to have to pick up your ass from the floor when you pass out,” I ground out. “Now sit.”

  Daniel grumbled but pulled out the chair from the kitchen table as I stalked over to the kitchen sink, pulling open the cabinet underneath to locate the medical kit I stashed there. After grabbing some towels from the bathroom, I settled myself in front of Daniel, handing him a water in the process. “Drink this before you pass out.”

  “You are betting on me to pass out, aren’t you?” he said jokingly as I took out the scissors from the kit and sliced his pants open all the way to his thigh, ignoring the bulky muscle sprinkled with hair right in my face.

  I didn’t answer, taking out the necessary items to tend to his wound. The stitches had actually held, only bleeding from the areas in between the tight stitches. That was a plus.

  Daniel hissed as I placed the peroxide-soaked gauze to the wound, feeling just a little bit vindicated as I did so. “Why did you lie to me?” I asked, not meeting his gaze.

  “I didn’t lie to you,” he stated. “I just didn’t tell you everything. Christ, that hurts.”

  I pressed harder. “You should have told me.”

  Daniel sighed. “I couldn’t, all right? I couldn’t tell anyone. The moment I did, everything I had worked for the last two years would be gone in an instant and my cover would be blown.”

  That wasn’t enough. Didn’t he see what I had lost today because of him? I wiped away the blood before taking out a clean gauze and dousing it with antibiotic cream. “I hope this works.”

  “Just finish it already,” Daniel said, opening the water bottle. I did as he asked, pressing the gauze to the wound before wrapping it with more gauze to hold it in place. After fishing out some painkillers, I handed them wordlessly over to Daniel, who washed them down with the water. I wanted to be pissed at him, but right now, my heart was weary, the events of today weighing heavily on my shoulders.

  “Eileen,” Daniel started as I cleaned off the rest of the blood from his leg with the towel before gathering all of the supplies and standing. “Hell. I’m sorry for what you had to go through today.”

  I dumped it all on the table before looking at him. “Are you really?”

  He ran a hand through his hair roughly. “Of course I am. I never meant for that to happen.”

  “It’s all gone,” I said quietly. “All of it because I couldn’t kill you.”

  Daniel groaned as he got to his feet, wavering a bit, but I refused to help him, instead watching as he gripped the chair to stay upright. “It’s far more than that, Eileen. I could say that it happened because I couldn’t keep my damn hands off you. It happened and there’s nothing we can do about it.”

  That was easy for him to say. He still had a job, a career.

  “Besides,” he said. “You could have walked away, Eileen.”

  Walked away? He was crazy. If I walked away, I would be leaving my heart in his hands. There might have been a time I would have told Daniel that, but not now.

  I couldn’t. I had lost everything because of him and now my heart was conflicted on what was real and what wasn’t.

  But I did feel used. He had gotten his war from the bikers. Was stringing me along so that the war would rage on part of his plan? “Was I ever not part of the plan, Daniel?” I asked softly, my heart thudding in my chest.

  Instead of vehemently denying it, he hung his head and I felt the final nail in my coffin fall into place. He had used me. The man I had fallen in love with had used me to his own advantage. “I hate you,” I replied, brushing past him and out the door, needing air.

  Tears smarted in my eyes as I walked down the stairs and around the corner before allowing them to fall, angry at both myself and my tortured heart for putting me in this situation. How could he? How could he not tell me about the CIA plan or push me away when I drifted closer to him?

  How could he break my heart like this?

  Clutching my stomach, I leaned against the building and allowed the tears to roll down my cheeks unchecked. It had been a long time since I cried like this, but it had also been a long time since someone had broken my heart too.

  I didn’t know what I was going to do now. I had no resources other than myself, but I wasn’t going to give up on finding Polanco now. He had done all kinds of wrong to me and to my own and even though I wasn’t a part of the club any longer, that didn’t mean my priorities had changed.

  He had nearly killed Daniel and as much as I hated him right now, he couldn’t very well seek revenge with his injury.

  I wiped my face with my hand, forcing myself to suck it up. I was stronger than this. I didn’t need the club or Daniel. I could do this on my own, with my own devices. I hadn’t gotten this far by riding someone else’s coattails.

  I would find Polanco and rid this world of such a black-hearted man. Then the club and Daniel would see that I was stronger than I looked, and I didn’t need any of them.

  My heart ached as I thought about not having Daniel in my life. It wasn’t like I was looking for that rosy future.

  I was just looking for more.

  Straightening my shoulders, I pulled myself together little by little. I was stronger than the person I was finding myself to be at this moment.

  My cell buzzed in my jeans and I extracted it, surprised to see Mama Bear’s number flashing on the screen. Was she calling to let me know how I would never be part of their club again?

  Or for something else?

  I hit the button and held the phone up to my ear. “Hello?”

  “Eileen,” she said, her voice soft. “I heard what happened.”

  I swallowed. “I thought maybe you hadn’t, given the fact you are calling me right now.”

  “It ain’t right,” she stated, fury in her voice. “She should have never done that to you.”

  “I slept with the enemy,” I forced out, the words bitter on my tongue. “I betrayed the club.”

  “And I’m the queen of England,” she snorted. “Widow Maker is quick to forget that people make mistakes, most of all, her. When she hooked up with Chains, there was our moment to blame her, to say she was betraying the Bitches, but we didn’t.”

  “This is different.”

  “I don’t see it.”

  My heart warmed just a bit at her vehement declaration, knowing at that moment that I had Mama Bear on my side at least for now. “Thank you.”

  “You’re planning something stupid, aren’t you?”

  I choked out a laugh. “How did you know?”

  “Because I know you,” she replied. “What is it?”

  I drew in a breath. “I’m going after Polanco.”

  “With Voodoo?”

  “No,” I answered. “I’m going alone.”

  She swore. “You are gonna walk right into the devil’s playground, Siren.”

  I had no choice. I wanted this done, over with, so I could figure out the rest of my life. With Polanco dead, I could stop trafficking for now. I could make sure that no other girl was snatched off the street.

  I could give Daniel the release he needed, knowing that the man who had nearly killed him and Machine Gun was dead.

  I could help a lot of people by finishing this job.

  “Well,” Mama Bear was saying. “If you do go and need back up, I’m in.”

  As much as I would have liked to take her up on her offer, I couldn’t. “Widow Maker needs you more.” The president was losing her grip on her club and Mama Bear was the only person now that could help her get it back together. She trusted her.

  “I’m afraid it might be too late,” Mama Bear sighed. “Be careful, baby girl. You’re playing with fire.”

  I hung up then, clutching the phone in my hand. I knew I
was playing with fire and I didn’t care if I got burned this time around.

  Chapter 19

  Voodoo

  I had really fucked up.

  I fell back into the chair, rubbing my hand over my face wearily. I needed a good night’s sleep and a tall bottle of whiskey, not necessarily in that order. The painkillers were kicking in, but I could still feel the pull of the stitches, hoping that they wouldn’t become infected.