Undone Read online

  “Of course.”

  “We were… We were injected with something that knocked us out at the brothel. I don’t know what it was, but it made me feel sick and dizzy.”

  Cassie’s smile had faded. Now she looked grim. “It’s more than likely to be GHB or ketamine. Both of those would have knocked you out somewhat and made you easier to transport.”

  “Ketamine?” I felt a chill on the back of my neck. “That could harm the baby, couldn’t it?”

  “It could do, depending on how much you were given.” Cassie was frowning. “How long were you unconscious?”

  “I don’t know, but I was conscious first. Then Kayla.”

  “Have either of you ever used drugs?”

  I shook my head. “No. Khloe forbade any of us from using. I know some of the other girls would have used, but I refused to touch it. And Kayla says she wants nothing to do with them.”

  Cassie grunted.

  “Either your youth means you’ve got a higher tolerance, or it’s because you’re pregnant. But that could mean if you get taken and they drug you with ketamine again, they might up the dosage. And that would be harmful to the baby.”

  “Oh, fuck!”

  Cassie glanced at Liz, who moved from her seated position by her son to sit beside me on the couch. She slid her arms around my shoulders and rocked me gently.

  “Don’t panic, Amber,” I said gently. “Take deep breaths. If I can get through having a bomb strapped to me while I’m pregnant, you can get through this. Babies are a lot more resilient than we think. We’re not made of spun glass and we’re certainly not going to break.”

  I sounded a lot more confident than I felt. All I could think about was would the baby survive to full term. The first trimester was always the scariest, as there was more chance of miscarriage. I knew that much. I didn’t want to scare myself too much or things would get dangerous.

  Losing this baby would lose the hope that had been slowly building.

  “This is probably the one good thing in my life that’s happened to me,” I whispered, leaning into Liz. “I don’t want to lose this baby.”

  I hadn’t realized that I was crying until Liz’s arms tightened around me, rocking me more.

  “Oh, honey, don’t cry. You’ll be fine. We’ll look after you.”

  “The bikers?”

  “All of us,” Liz kissed my head. “If Diesel doesn’t take care of you, Cassie and I certainly will.”

  “I’ll do his castration if he hurts you or the baby,” Cassie vowed.

  That had me giggling

  “I’ll think about it.”

  Chapter Twenty One

  Diesel

  When I found the women, they were sitting quietly watching Hunter. The little boy didn’t seem to have any fears at all about what was going on around me. The joys of the innocent, something I could never get back.

  Amber was still pale, and was silent as I touched her shoulder to get her attention. She was slow, but she rose to her feet and slid her arms around my waist, resting her head against my chest. Her sudden submission and silence stunned me. I could see her mask beginning to crack. Amber wouldn’t be able to take much more.

  Again, I silently cursed myself for ever getting involved with the girl. But I had known there was no chance of walking away from Amber the moment I saw her. Anyone in their right mind would never walk away. Amber brought out the protective side in me. And my sexual hunger.

  And a lot more, but I wasn’t about to admit that, not even to myself.

  As they drove back to the motel, Amber stayed against my side, leaning into me, with my arm around her shoulders. She didn’t say a word, merely leant her head on my shoulder. I preferred silence a lot of the time, and Amber seemed to know that, but this silence was oppressive, awkward.

  For a rare moment, I just didn’t know what to do.

  They arrived back at the motel, and I led Amber inside. She drifted across the room, almost as if she was in a daze. I shut the door and put the latch on. Then I followed her, turning her around.

  “Talk to me, Amber. I know there’s something wrong, but I can’t help if you don’t say anything.”

  Amber looked up at me, those big eyes sucking me in. I gritted my teeth and wished she didn’t have such a pull on me. Amber bit her lip.

  “I don’t want to cause any more worry than I already have.” She said in a voice so quiet I almost didn’t hear her. “I’m trying to keep calm, but it’s not easy.”

  She didn’t look like a woman anymore. She looked like a child thrown in the middle of an adult situation. The strong part of her seemed to be crumbling, and all I wanted to do was hold her close and never let her go.

  Where had that come from? I couldn’t afford to think about her like that. Not now. Not ever.

  “Who are you trying to keep calm, Amber?” I touched her jaw, shocked to feel how tight it was. She was gritting her teeth. “You? Or someone else?”

  “Myself. For the baby.” Amber’s hand went to her belly and my hand itched to rest over hers, so I clenched my fist and stuck it behind my back. “You know I was drugged.”

  “You think those drugs could have harmed the baby?”

  “Yes. And that’s scaring me.”

  She looked close to crying again. I didn’t want to see that. I drew her closer and pressed a kiss to her forehead.

  “Don’t you worry about it. The baby is going to be fine. You’re stronger than this, and you know it. The Amber I know will be able to handle all this.”

  “That’s just a façade.” Amber snorted. “A mask for everyone else. Underneath, I’m just terrified, and I’m floundering.”

  I knew exactly how she felt. I smiled and cupped her tight jaw in my palm.

  “I’ve always seen you as strong,” I said gently. “Sweet but strong.”

  Amber’s face went pale, and she looked away.

  “I’m not strong, Diesel.” Her voice was as tight as her jaw. “I’m not strong, and I’ve never been sweet. I just…” She broke off abruptly and pushed my hand away, stepping out of reach. “I shouldn’t.”

  “What?”

  Then I saw the invisible barrier being erected. Amber put a protective guard around herself and withdrew, both emotionally and physically. She huddled into herself, wrapping her arms around her waist as she shuddered.

  What had just happened?

  “Amber?”

  “No.” Amber shook her head fervently, still not looking at me. “No, I can’t. This is getting too close to the truth. I can’t.”

  “Amber…”

  I tried to reach for her, but Amber shrank back, bumping into the wall.

  “Please, Diesel,” she pleaded, eyes on the floor. “I don’t want to break down again. I’ve done it too much, and I’m close to being completely open. I promised myself that it would never happen. Don’t try and get me to talk.”

  I had seen a variety of emotions on the young woman since they had first met, most of them in the last couple of days. But I had never seen her like this. I almost didn’t recognize her anymore. This Amber was a stranger to me, someone who was so close to cracking.

  And it cracked my heart. I swallowed back my own pain and nodded brusquely.

  “Okay. But know this, Amber. Nothing is going to happen to you or the baby while I’m here. I won’t let it happen.”

  Amber’s mouth twitched, but it didn’t become a smile. She still wouldn’t look at me.

  “Cassie said there’s someone she wants to check me over, make sure the child is okay and to monitor everything. I said I’d talk to you.”

  “I know who she’s talking about. Fiona’s a good lass. I’ll call her in the morning.” I glanced at the bed. “You get some sleep. You need to rest.”

  “What about you?”

  “I’ll stay up for a bit. I’m not tired.”

  I was, but I couldn’t bring myself to lie down and close my eyes. Every time my mind tried to relax and think about something other than club bu
siness, I would see Amber being attacked and dragged away by the cartel. It got worse each time I thought about it. And I didn’t want to see it again.

  Finally, Amber raised her eyes to me. She was still wary, but her expression had softened a little. Tears shimmered in her eyes.

  “Don’t leave me,” she whispered.

  My chest tightened and I took a deep breath. “I’m not planning to.”

  Chapter Twenty Two

  Diesel

  Sleep kept creeping up on me, but I refused to let myself be overcome. I kept going out to the coffee machine, just outside the room, and refilling my cup. Coffee was beginning to taste foul to me, but it was keeping me awake. And it kept away the nightmares that threatened to drift in.

  Amber had gone to bed without much argument, slipping into cotton pajamas with bright red and brown teddy bears on them. Strangely childlike, but it suited her. Amber looked nothing like the woman who slept with men for money to keep herself alive.

  It made me want to get into bed with her and hold her while she slept. But that would lead to something more, and Amber didn’t need that now. I didn’t want to keep seeing her as a sex object. However, every time I was close to her, touched her and held her, I had the urge to get inside her. Feel her pussy tighten around my cock. I knew I wouldn’t want to leave.

  The last time I had made a mistake with a woman, that woman had betrayed me. Getting this close to another woman again was going to be the undoing of me. I couldn’t allow that to happen.

  Amber was nothing like Freya. But I wasn’t about to find that out too late.

  I tried not to watch Amber as she tossed and turned in the huge double bed. The sheets ended up further down the bed, wrapped around her waist, and her shirt shifted up to reveal her still flat belly. Or was she looking softer, fuller around her tummy? I didn’t know. I hadn’t seen a woman this intimately during pregnancy. Freya had never given me that opportunity.

  This felt like a second chance. Or a taunt. I hadn’t figured out which yet.

  Finally, I couldn’t stay awake any longer. It was gone midnight by the time I stripped down to my boxers and lay down beside Amber, making sure not to touch her. But that went out the window as Amber, still asleep, naturally slipped over to my side with a sigh and wrapped her arms around my waist, her head resting on my chest. I couldn’t bring myself to push her away. Tucking the sheets around us, I hugged her close and closed my eyes.

  I had no idea how long I had slept. I was suddenly awoken by a loud scream that made my ears ring. Amber had rolled away in her sleep and was now thrashing on her side of the bed. She was screaming, clutching at her head, as she curled into a fetal position. I had never seen her like this before, and it frightened me.

  Nothing had ever frightened me. Until Amber had come into my life.

  I rolled over and grabbed Amber before she fell off the bed. She screamed and started hitting me, catching me on the head. I shook her.

  “Amber! Amber, wake up!”

  But Amber was still screaming. She wasn’t thrashing anymore, but her screams took a while to abate. They turned into wails, and then to sobs. I shook her again and sat her up.

  “Amber!”

  Still shaking, Amber’s sobs quietened, and she opened her eyes. The terror I saw in them sent a shiver down my back. It was a few moments before Amber recognized me, and she threw her arms around my neck.

  “Diesel!”

  She hugged me tightly, her body trembling in my arms. I rocked her, stroking her hair. Then I realized my hand was trembling as well.

  “Take it easy,” I whispered. “Ssh, it’s okay. I’m here.”

  I knew I should give her space, but I couldn’t bring myself to. This woman was able to turn me inside-out, and she only needed to look at me to do that. I had told myself that no other woman would do that to me again, but Amber had slipped past my defenses.

  This wasn’t good at all.

  “I’m sorry.”

  Amber’s apology was so quiet, I nearly missed it. I eased her away and searched her face.

  “What are you sorry about?”

  “That I scared you.” Amber sniffed and wiped at her nose with her sleeve. “That I had a nightmare.”

  “You don’t need to be sorry about that.” I stroked her cheek, sliding my fingers along the nape of her neck and gave it a gentle squeeze. “It’s natural to have nightmares, Amber. Everyone has them. And after what you went through, I’d be very surprised if you didn’t.”

  “It wasn’t acceptable to disturb my father’s sleep when I was younger,” Amber grumbled. “He had to have his sleep, or we would all face his wrath. Whenever I had nightmares and woke him up, I was beaten for it.”

  Beaten for having nightmares? I had been beaten for things, when I was a child, but never for that. That was one of the few times my parents had been sympathetic. And to think Amber had gone through that…

  I had thought my childhood had been tough. But compared to Amber’s, it must’ve been a cakewalk..

  “I would never do that to you,” I promised, resting my forehead against hers with a heavy sigh. “Never.”

  Amber was still trembling, but it was beginning to ease. She was breathing heavily, gulping in lots of air. I wanted to kiss her, give her comfort, but that would lead to something more. U had to keep myself in check, or I was going to get into the sort of trouble that I couldn’t get out of.

  The problem was, I had a feeling I was in too far already.

  There was a loud knock on the door and Amber jerked away with a gasp. She grabbed the sheets and held them against herself, almost like a shield. I growled and got out of bed and flung open the door, only see the clerk Amber had dealt with earlier standing outside, looking pointedly into the room.

  I didn’t want to deal with the bastard. “Yes?” I snapped.

  The clerk’s eyes jerked up to me, and they widened. But he squared his shoulders and lifted his chin as if in defiance.

  “Is everything okay, sir? I heard some screaming coming from here.”

  “Yes, we’re fine. My girl just had a nightmare, that’s all.”

  Inwardly, I winced. I had forgotten we weren’t at my condo, which was set apart on the outskirts of Eden, and there were no neighbors. Amber’s screams must have sounded like she was being beaten.

  The clerk was in no hurry to leave. He looked around me and at Amber, who was still clutching the sheets to her. I could see the lecherous gaze peek through, and bit back a growl.

  “Are you all right, miss?”

  “I’m fine.” Amber managed a smile. “I just had a bad dream. Sorry for bothering you.”

  “If you want, I can…” the clerk began, but I cut him off sharply.

  “You can’t do anything. Fuck off.”

  Then I slammed the door in the man’s face. We would need to leave as soon as possible in the morning; I didn’t want to have the cops coming over to see what was happening. Chances were the clerk would call them.

  “I told you he was leering at me,” Amber grumbled.

  I turned to her with a smirk.

  “Who could blame him?”

  Even in the cotton pajamas, Amber still looked desirable. My cock was pressing against my boxers, and even in the dim light Amber would be able to see my arousal. As if on cue, Amber’s eyes were drawn lower, fixing on my crotch. Her tongue sneaked out and licked her lips. I gritted my teeth, and my cock flexed. It was getting to the point of painful. Then Amber shook her head and looked away.

  “Don’t talk like that right now,” she whispered. “Please.”

  I took a deep breath and forced back my lust. Now was not the time; she was right. If only my brain would get the message.

  “Okay. I won’t.” I approached the bed and slid back under the sheets. “Come here. I’ll just hold you.”

  “Promise?”

  “I promise.”

  It was an empty one, but I wanted to try. Amber obediently went into my arms and settled against me, her head
on my shoulder. I couldn’t remember the last time someone had been so submissive to me. Women in the past needed to have a little fire – I liked fire and an alpha female – but Amber was different. There was something about her that I couldn’t pull away from.

  And that was getting dangerous.

  We lay together in silence, I staring at the ceiling and trying to stop my lust from taking over. Amber was silent, and I thought she had gone to sleep. Then she spoke, making me jump.